Nothing Feels Right

I have this eery nagging gut feeling that everything is wrong. After spending an hour reading I hate law school blog posts I had a meltdown. And this melt down occurred right before class. So I went to class with bloodshot eyes and tissue particles all over my eyelashes. At one point Twinkle Toes hysteria about concurrent ownership sent me into panic mode and the tears almost fell but I managed to hole them back.

My life doesnt feel right. In some way or many ways I am not being true to myself and I don't know how to pinpoint it. There could be a million things I am doing or not doing that are just against my normal tendencies. Not only do I feel sick but I am creating distance between me and LSBoy and my friends too. I just don't feel good.

I've run out of strength to fight the thoughts I have. There was a time when I could manipulate my thoughts and straighten out but lately I'm tired. Thirty ONE years of struggling to be--just be. I'm never present,EVER I am always in my thoughts. Dwelling on yesterday and trying to deny or ignore tomorrow. I don't really have any dreams or passion right now. You really can't understand what law school does to you until you experience it. I've heard many people say they felt the way I do now when they were in law school but I figured they were overreacting.

JAG

Does anyone have any info on the application process, other than what can be found online. I.e. does anyone have any personal experience with this?

Help!

Racist

I was called ignorant today by someone I love and respect very much. This Fort Hood incident is causing a little turmoil in my life. This person we will call QP is under the impression that there will be a backlash against Muslim, Arab and Pakistani people because of that psycho psychiatrist. He said that this has "set him back" and may make him subject to unwarranted investigation by his employer. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NUTS. While i was speaking to QP I got the impression he was "pulling the race card." Which is so out of character for him. QP said that three other people made comments to him about their concern for him and the possibility of hate crimes towards middle eastern people. I'm so torn. Are American people really THAT hateful and stupid? Do they really believe that one fucking nut job psychiatrist makes it ok to racially profile soldiers? Really? Sometimes I don't think i am human because I do not understand people AT ALL. Or do I choose to keep my eyes closed because the truth is too painful? The problems are too large and my hands are tied.

Maybe I am living in a fantasy world where racism isn't as prevalent as it really is? I'm white I don't really truly understand racism. I've experienced hate directed toward me for being white and for being a girl but only like twice ever. Those experiences make you feel shameful, and super fucking angry. I suppose I could be more understanding but I feel like it's bullshit. I've dated guys from just about every background never thinking about their culture or ethnicity other than what kind of crazy mom's they will have.

I think ignorant is a strong word that should be used with caution. I am not ignorant, I may be naive but NOT fucking ignorant.Although I will concede to being naive I will also point out that those who worry about being judged are the ones who judge. Those who are suspicious are the ones who lie. Those who can't trust others are the ones that can't be trusted. That was sort of cryptic but I think you can see where I am going with that. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw the news was oh my god he was a psychiatrist! I didn't for one second thing about him being Muslim. According to different news articles I've read the man had a history of combative relationships with his patients and wanted out of the Army because of his anti war on terror beliefs. Maybe the Army messed up..maybe they should pay closer attention to the mental well being of their soldiers. He fucking snapped. Virginia Tech sure does have bad luck with the psycho's.

How is racism still tolerated? How? I can't imagine what it would feel like to hate someone because of their religion or ethnicity. The only type of people I can understand hating are stupid people and I FUCKING HATE RACIST PEOPLE because they are stupid.

My deepest condolences to the friends and family of the victims.

About that...

I never did come back and fill you all in on the psychic reading I had not too long ago. Well the thing is ...that my friend Disney went to the same psychic and guess what---SHE GOT THE SAME READING V E R B A T U M!!

Go ahead, laugh, tell me I'm retarded, I already know. So I thought of her questions and tried to put them together and thought I might try a science experiment and ask other people the same kind of questions. I could see how hard it would be to guess. Then I read this article which confirmed my suspicions.

The very first statement Miss Cleo said was, "You will be getting a new job soon." Ok well considering the unemployment rate in my county is like 11%, chances are I am either in fear of losing my job or unemployed. That is just one of the many brilliant ways she tricked me into thinking she might have really known what was going on.

So that pretty much sucked but at least I don't have to worry about LSBoy not taking me seriously because that was mere speculation.

For a Season

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or
a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you
with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an
inconvenient time, this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realise is that our need has been met, our
desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author Unknown

Poor guy

He hates Con Law

Sell Out

Yup, thats me. I have issues with Halloween. It is my birthday so I do not feel the need to dress like a whore for attention. Plus I don't need to be naked to be hot. I don't know why it bugs me so much. Probably because I hate everything Cliche....


I finally submitted after ten years of avoiding the slutty whore halloween fest I purchased this.

But I totally plan to doctor it up. You see I will of course show off some things but not everything. And Im a huge sissy the cold is more than i can bare. So I will do my own rendition of the "sexy sailor" and have a fun comfy night--dignity intact.

The end.